The Top 10 for Fang Fest

Sunshine Chewing her toes
"Where do YOU think those toes are going?"

In honor of Halloween coming up I chose to name the Teething Wars as Fang Fest. ‘Cause honestly, when you got an infant teething they are like little vampires chomping at everything.

So here is the Top 10 of the Teething Wars, or Fang Fest, with our little one. If some of these apply to you, or maybe all, can you please let me know how you survived it?  Could use some input here.

We call it the teething wars, even though we are all on the same side, fighting the same battle. Well, at least most of the time we are fighting the same battle.

  1. Acrobatics: You never thought you wanted to be an acrobat, but there it is. You have been fighting for hours trying to calm said teething baby and finally, FINALLY, she fell asleep in your arms. However, you are in the most uncomfortable position EVER and find that you truly do have to turn yourself into a pretzel, one small minute movement at a time, in order to not wake said teething baby again. You finally manage this strange movement of acrobatics and lay her down without her waking up. Alas, the battle was not won. Five minutes later, she wakes up. Sigh.
  2. Bruising: You thought your boobs were sore before. There are bruises from pulling, knawing, slapping, and mao-ing (see Mommy Language post). Sadly, your boobs have moved from sore, to numb (much to your husbands sadness).
  3. Bubbles: This probably isn’t a teething woe, but more like a cute perk. Along with all that extra saliva rolling around in your kids mouth, they have learned to make bubbles. So when your kid is actually foaming at the mouth. Don’t worry. Grab a camera. Take a picture. Save it for blackmail when they are older. Appreciate the cuteness of your kid!
  4. Chew toy: Your hand has become the ultimate chew toy. Not just your fingers and knuckles, but also the back of the hand, the front of the hand, and any part of the hand that is exposed to said open mouth. She sits with her mouth gaping open whenever said hands are nearby. Honestly, your kid looks a lot like JAWS right now. (Insert music here: Duh-Dum)
  5. Crying- When the tears start flowing, your heart just aches. You wish you could make it better, but the warm washcloths (or cold) aren’t working, the teething tablets help for a short period of time, and you know the Tylenol/Ibuprofin stopped working awhile ago. You just want to hold them, sit down in the middle of the room and cry with them cause you feel so damn helpless you can’t do a thing about it.
  6. Drool: So, as your hands are now thoroughly covered in a gooey kid slime, you thought you would dry yourself off. Crap, the towel is already wet. You reach for another burp cloth. Nope.  That is soaked too. Screw the burp cloth then. You choose to wipe your hands on your shirt cause you seriously can’t find a dry towel.  Sadly, your kid has been using your shirt for something to suck on. Everywhere you look, there is a coating of drool. You definitely feel like saying, “She Slimed Me” and prostrate yourself on the ground in utter futility of trying to stay dry.
  7. Pets: Yeah, you thought you wouldn’t have to worry about your kid and the pets until they were mobile. Hold on to your hats, folks, cause any tail that goes walking by, or has the audacity to lay near your infants hands will most likely be caught in a tenacious grip and will need to be forced or pried open, get the jaws-of-life out cause its going into the mouth at any second. Our poor cat gets this more than the dog. However, we know the dog is in for it once she starts walking.
  8. Screaming: Your kid has reached all new decibels in her talking. In fact you know that with the lack of sleep you have been getting, your head is pounding all the more, and those high pitched squeals are making you want to take a drill to your temple to release the pressure building up. In some ways, you know that your kid is experimenting, in others you know that she is hurting. Bottom line, you wished the theory that cotton balls in the ears would really make you pleasantly deaf for a few hours. Sigh. If only it worked.
  9. Sleep: For your kid. You never thought how concerning it would be to see dark circles around your kids eyes. She LOOKS exhausted. Waking up every hour, maybe even every 40 minutes throughout the night wanting to nurse or just to hold on to your hand. She is not feeling great and a little scared. Makes you feel sad and want to cry with her. Makes me wonder, If she looks this miserable, wonder what I look like?
  10. Sleep: For you. Nope. That thing you are truly lacking and wish that you had so much more of. Not. Going. To happen. If only you could go back to those college years where you stayed up for hours playing cards, drinking, dancing with friends. This would be where you went to bed early, caught up and stored said sleep in preparation for this moment. Sigh. If only sleep worked like that.

So while the teething woes are extremely difficult, for both you and the kid, remember this too shall pass and it won’t last forever. The little vampire fangs will come in, and your kid will be cuter than ever. So, savor the sweet moments, the smiles, and soon to be “Toothy Grin” that will be gracing your future photos.

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