To You, Oh Asinine Lexus Drivers

To You, Oh Asinine Lexus Drivers:You banged up your pretty car, dude.

If you, who own a Lexus, are not asinine, then feel free to dismiss these comments. For the rest of you Lexus owners, (you know who you are, butt-noses) please feel free to comment away after you have read what I have to tell you.

Yeah, I know that I am not as special as you, as I have not seen fit to purchase a vehicle that gives me ALL-Rights to the roadway. But I carry special cargo, so do not be surprised if I give you the thumb in response to your driving. Long ago, in a time and age not so far away if I think about it, my mother and father and I decided that giving people the bird just doesn’t suffice it when driving. Plus its not safe with all those crazy road-ragers out there. So, we give the thumb. We sometimes even deign to give TWO thumbs up to those dumb-asses that choose to cut us off, almost cause accidents, and speed excessively and really piss us off.

Why am I telling this to you? Do not be surprised when I pull up next to you, oh-thou-speedily-driven-Lexus, and give a big ass smile and two thumbs up for having beaten me to the stoplight. Who cares that we will (eventually) both be waiting at that same damn stoplight. Who cares that even though you may punch it once the light is green again, we will both still be waiting at the next damn stoplight. You and your crazy ass driving beat me there. So you get the prize. A thumbs up, a smile, and me mouthing “Good Job” to you when we both sit there. Waiting. Wow. All that speed, for what asshat?

"Good job!"Yeah, I may look ridiculous saying, “Good Job” with a smile that rivals the Joker. But, hey. I’m laughing hysterically at the fact that you feel your car gives you such power or control. Newsflash! Dumbass. Control is an illusion you egotistical egomaniac. You’ve never had it. You may never have it.

To those special Lexus drivers that have been given the dispensation to run people off the road because they feel their car gives them the license, or protection to do so: Double thumbs up to you, butt munch. One day, someone with an old beater of a car, with good insurance and an even better lawyer, will be there and you will have bust up your own damn car for nothing. Cause you ain’t going to get a new one. Or will you? With the average price of a Lexus being at about $40k, and about a $504 a month lease… you may be able to purchase another one. Who knows. Are you made of money, or do you just drive like you do?

Sigh. I am supposed to be the kind one. The understanding one. Not when it comes to the safety of my kid. So, I will gladly change lanes and pull over to let you pass. The speed limit is fine for me. I will gladly let you go forth, and beat me to any and all stop signs or stoplights. I will let you believe that you have a special “I can drive however I want” license. As long as you stay the hell away from my car.

Thing is, lame-ass, you have only ONE life. One. Unless you are part cat, or channeling some kid of immortality thing… cool for you. I have only one life and am protecting the most precious thing on this planet in my car. You come after me and hit my car, I will take you all the way to the bank and then some to make sure you pay for your dumb-ass transgressions. What makes you think you can drive like a bat out of hell, actually cut across three lanes and push someone off the road, cut off people entering or exiting the freeway, and not have some type of repercussion eventually? Karma can be a bitch. In this case, I hope karma comes around and takes a big chunk out of your ass. Or, at least dings up your pretty golden Lexus to the point you cannot drive it any longer.


The Momma Bear in her Scooby-doo (Subaru)

(And this is too all the Lexus drivers who behave this way. It wasn’t just one who did these things. You people know who you are).

Ps. I will give someone special out there a special Heater Hug (virtually) if they can find the movie quote and from what movie it is in this post. Hehe…


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