Manic Monday: Hypomania

While contrary to popular belief, I have not fallen off the edge of the earth. In fact, I believe I may have temporarily left said planet for crazier times… cause who can’t get enough crazy in her life already?  This girl, right here.

I have been slightly hypomanic.  That is to say mania type symptoms but definitely not manic (as in I am not thinking I am Mother Theresa or that I am on some quest sent from God to pure the world of all evil.  Wouldn’t that be cool though?! I would have to say I would start off with getting rid of most of our government that refuse to get along and thus never gets anything accomplished,  as well as the self-righteous idiots running for president.  Dude!  Get out of the dark ages people!  We are a diverse country with lots of likes/dislikes and beliefs! We are entitled to those beliefs and no! Those beliefs do not have to coincide with yours and you have no say over what we, as women, do with our bodies!)

Okay, off my random rant now.  So, on to my lack of posting. My sincere apologies.  Here is the scoop. When I am hypomanic, I tend to try to do everything. And everything has to be done, RIGHT NOW.  Kinda makes my anxiety go even more through the roof.  Thing is, I can’t seem to complete half of what I try, or it takes a whole week of writing down my goals and continuing to go back to said list to figure out what it was I should have been doing, but was misdirected from.  I have been trying to prepare for a JBF (Just Between Friends) sale in which I am selling some of the clothes Sunshine has grown out of, so as to make room for what she will need in the new future. (One being a kid potty, and no, I do not store the potty with the clothes she will be growing into).  I have been trying to get the ever-loving mountain of laundry that accumulates everyday, done. However, it seems the biggest hurdle is folding said mountain and placing the boulders of clothes back in the damn drawers they came from. Not only am I thwarted by my 11 month old who unfolds everything I fold, but my husband and I can’t seem to get to putting the stuff away. Thus, the piles of clothes in our bedroom. Sigh.

What have I learned from this?  Yes, its important to try to maintain some semblance of cleanliness in our house, but it’s not the priority right now.  Keeping my daughter from climbing the book-case, stuffing power cords in her mouth, and playing with the outlet covers IS.  So, while I don’t have the time to write so much right now, nor the time to do much around the house other than chase after my kid…. know that I very much wish to post and will do my best to write when I can. It may not be much, but it will be something… and that is the best I can do for now.  I am satisfied with that for now.

So, all my best, dear readers…. and watch for that next post! You never know when it will be coming, and neither will I!  hehe….

Don’t forget to giggle.

Grumpy Day turned peaceful…

What do you do when you wake up feeling like crap and have a 10 month old waiting for you to get on with the day?

Today I woke up and just felt awful. Physically. Mentally. And guess what? My daughter woke up in the same state. I didn’t think we slept poorly last night, but obviously someone didn’t send that memo to my body.

So, with the urgings of Sunshine, I dragged my ass out of bed. The rest of the morning continued on in a grumpy fashion. I was totally out of it with little energy… often on the verge of tears, and I could not decipher why Sunshine didn’t want to eat breakfast, wanted to be held, then would squirm to get out of my arms…. then promptly get mad because I set her down. Sigh. Within fifteen minutes after waking she started showing signs that she was ready for a nap. Yet, that nap would not happen at home. Even wrapped up in a sling and carried around she refused to nap. Oh, Lord. Help me! I thought.

So, while refusing to nap, but so obviously needing it, I decided on the only proper recourse I had. I needed to get said grumpy kid in the car to go somewhere. Didn’t matter where, just somewhere. She tends to be content in the car. I decided, with the news that there were new clouded leopard cubs at the zoo, that we should venture out there and thus walk around and get some fresh air. With a destination in place… Sunshine was asleep before we left our driveway.

Once at the zoo, she was still asleep, so I sat and read a book until she woke up. After we went for a walk and visited the animals and had a fun time. She slept on the way home as well. Now, she is in a right happy state…. while I am still dragging my ass. Well, at least one of us is content. If only I could sleep walk or perhaps watch Sleeping Beauty and live vicariously thru those efforts?

Even though we had a tough start, we are peaceful right now. I will take that peace and roll with it. We have Pride and Prejudice (BBC version) going on in the back ground while I race (crawl) around on the floor and Sunshine chasing me. I will hold on to this moment… relish it. Enjoy it. And pray for some better sleep when I get home from choir tonight! Until then, I will find ways to giggle!

Two Steps Forward

This occurred several weeks, perhaps a month ago, but I found this and felt that I should at least post it.. since I went thru the effort at o’dark thirty in the morning to write it.

My daughter for the first time, rolled over and hugged her tigger last night. May not seem like a big deal, but it is to me.

You see, she slept better the first three months of her life than she does now. She is a sensitive little girl who in her sleep seeks out mommy to cuddle her and reassure her throughout the night. Often this involves nursing too. This rolling around and seeking mommy occurs perhaps 6-10 times a night. She is not totally awake, mind you. But I am. She has taken to sleep talking, sleep eating, and sleep crawling so that we have to push a pillow up at the top of the bed so she doesn’t bang her head in the wall. Cosleeping has been a challenge, but the hubby and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What happened tonight though, means progress. She rolled over, like she usually does, and thwacked me in the face and threw her leg onto my stomach. I was awake at that point. She made her fussy noise like she was to wake up again. I put my finger in her palm so she could hold on to it like usual and is assured I am still there. Well, this time she pushed my hand away and rolled over and cuddled with her tigger.

I was shocked really. Then a little sad. This, of course, ended, when she rolled over with tigger, thwacked me in the face with her other arm and then planted her leg back on my tummy. Yep, mom was still there. She was satisfied and rolled back over and cuddled with her tigger.

She needs me, but is taking her first steps, er…. movements?, toward feeling okay without moms help. Moments like these that I feel good about how I am raising her, and that even though we are tired we are doing right by listening to her needs and not thrusting our wants and desires for her to conform to what we need (or what society thinks we should be doing, i.e. Cosleeping vs. NOT). So, this is a little step but I am excited where this little girl is headed. What will she do next? This is an exciting adventure, even at three o’clock in the morning.